Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Audience is Naked... a Stupid Public Speaking Tip

"Just imaging the audience is naked..."

Are you kidding me? Have you seen these people? Why in hell would imagining them naked make me more comfortable standing in front of them talking about bits and bytes?

This person must have had some gang geek fetish that I did not share. Just the thought of the unshowered, unshaved and GI Joe condom-adorned image made my gag reflex kick in.

I travel. I speak. I am technical. I am logical enough to know that being in a room of naked nerds would only conjure up images of Trekkie sex games that likely included some reference to Nurse Chapel (her woven beehive seemed to spark some inner tantric fantasies of what really lie beneath the weave).

People who offer this advice as a secret to overcoming the fear of public speaking should be forced to present at a Microsoft or Cisco conference once in a while. Imagine yourself naked in that room and then tell me you can hold down your lunch long enough make it through the 'What We'll be Covering in this Lecture' section. I dare you.

Now truth be told, I am no beauty myself - I too am one of the nerds in the room and I sure as hell wouldn't want the presenter to imagine me naked! Not unless I lasted 6 carb-free months in preparation and had a boob/butt/tummy/arm/neck/attitude lift and a few weeks in a tanning spa.

There are other secrets to speaking in public...